InsomniaDoodles

Alright, slight exaggeration, but it's been a while. I think I'm coming back to DeviantArt again, and I would like to share a little story about why I was gone for so long in the first place. If you look through my gallery, you'll see a LOT of anime / manga style art. They are years, some even decades, old. I used to be super SUPER active on here, hardly missing a day logged in. Part of the reason I lost interest involved the changes made to this site. I felt like the community itself was changing and I didn't much care for it. In all honesty though, I left because I was the one who was changing. I really wanted to fit in with my peers, and the majority of artists I was socializing with were encouraging me to get away from the anime / manga art style in favor of a more realistic western comic book / fantasy style. Since my gallery here consisted of mostly manga style submissions, I just abandoned it and moved on. I was convinced that I needed to "grow up" and move on from my cartoony style. That was a mistake. I lost touch with the reason why I loved art in the first place- the JOY of it. The pure, carefree catharsis of doodling what made me happy was scrapped in favor of constant attempts to improve, seek approval, and market myself. I hated ALL of that. My muse went on strike, and I lost interest in art for a long, long time. I dabbled in other mediums, but I basically stopped drawing. I would pick up my stylus from time to time and crank out an attempt at a sketch, but it wasn't the same. I became increasingly stressed and discouraged. I began to wonder if I should even keep trying. Recently, I was chatting with some friends in a local group Discord server about nostalgia and old art we used to do, and I went back here to my old DeviantArt account to dig up some of my oldest works of art to share with the group. I was just so overwhelmed by the nostalgia, it had a serious impact on me. The epiphany hit with tremendous force, and I knew right away that the reason why I no longer felt motivated to draw was because I was trying to force myself to draw things that didn't really inspire me. I let the judgement and opinions of others change me, and that was a huge mistake. I had been so focused on garnering approval from artists I looked up to that I had completely abandoned my own needs. I drew what was asked of me, I drew what was popular and demanded by the masses like some art robot, not really enjoying the things I was making. It wasn't really my style. It didn't bring me joy. I love manga style, and I'm tired of pretending I've "grown out of it". I love the unfinished sketchy look. I hate the process of linework, coloring, shading, and making things marketable for potential future commission work. Art is not my job, it's my passion. I'm tired of trying to market it as if I have plans to turn it into a hustle. Nope, not for me. My muse has made that very clear, and I agree. I love to doodle, and I sure as hell don't have to do anything more than that. I wondered if I could rekindle my muse's old flame by allowing myself to indulge in some shameless manga sketching again. I sat down with some good music, my drawing tablet, and a cup of coffee. A few hours later, and I was riding a high I hadn't felt in years. I was actually enjoying myself. I wasn't stressing over perfectionism. I wasn't trying to impress anyone with technical skill. I just wanted to draw something that felt good to my soul, my muse, and I succeeded. I drew my inner artist taking her power back, and DAMN it felt so good!

I'm taking my art back, and I'm never making the same mistake again. If people want to judge me for loving what they consider to be a "cringey" style, they can think whatever they want. I'm happy with my art again, and that's all that matters.

Hey, folks! It's been a while! I've been thinking about returning to dA, but I'm really not sure how active this site is anymore. Are any of my watchers still around? What are your thoughts on modern day DeviantArt? Do you think it's worth coming back? All of the art in my gallery is so nostalgic to me now. A lot has changed, and that includes my art style and interests. If I do come back to dA, I might take some time to revamp my gallery and update some things. It's also entirely possible that I might make this post and completely forget to follow up 🤣 We'll just go with the flow and see what happens, I suppose! - Sunny